When we have children, we will immediately become parents. But it seems that not everyone is suitable for the job of parenting.
When you decide to become a parent, it will change your life forever. It was actually a warning, but when I first got married, I thought it was an encouragement, which roughly translates to: There will be great emotions, memorable experiences, endless joys. awaiting…
I embarked on the path of parenthood with quite a bit of consideration. Yes, my body is mature enough. Then having children after marriage is also natural. I also have financial savings (which, for heaven’s sake, I’ll find out later on how little it is for raising a baby. Me and my partner both want to have kids. Of course, there’s a little bit of motivation that comes from that. At the urging of parents on both sides, for fear of not giving birth early, we will be “dumb”, “deaf” like many couples who are looking for children.
But there’s one thing I should have really considered that I’ve overlooked: Am I really ready?
After giving birth, I understood the answer was no.
For someone, having a baby can bring immense happiness. To me, it was a terrible reversal, and worse, forever irreversible. Right from the first month, besides the times when I loved my baby, loved my child, and breathed in, there were times when I wished I hadn’t become a mother.
I can’t stand being disconnected from the outside world to stay at home and take care of the kids. I can’t decipher which cries are hungry, which are annoyed by dirty diapers, or simply whining. I felt powerless to take care of a child full time.
That feeling has nothing to do with postpartum depression. Many years after giving birth, I still feel sorry for life, sorry that I have not experienced all of my spare life.
If given the opportunity, I want to hide from my children, from questions and mischief, from having to communicate with them wholeheartedly, spend a lot of time with them, be responsible for them. I just want someone to take care of them for me, let me fly and dance with my friends, be free to do what I like, and when I come home, just cuddling and kissing the kids are full, fragrant and happy, hugging them Sleep is the end of the day.
That’s when I realized the truth: I was too selfish to really care about the feelings of anyone other than myself, even if it was my own child. I’m really afraid of being responsible and taking care of someone other than myself.
That’s when I realized: I was never prepared to be a mother, even though I read a lot of books, asked a lot of people. I was confused, even annoyed, when I had to meet all the needs of those little creatures.
I am helpless when they disobey. I had to ask for everyone’s support to be able to take care of them. If we were left alone with the children for half a day, we would all starve (because they would cling to me asking to play this game or other game, no time to go to the market or eat food), screaming at each other. voice and the house is littered with garbage. Or I’ll hide in the toilet, bring my phone so I don’t have to play with my kids.
Of course, despite the negative emotions, I’m not entirely a bad mother. I love my kids. I can’t imagine if something happened to them, even a minor accident, how I would live.
But if I could go back in time, I still wish I wouldn’t make them, at least until I’m ready. Not for my freedom and comfort, but because these wonderful children deserve a more mature mother.
If you feel confident and happy with your parenting journey, congratulations. Otherwise, if there is still a bit of hesitation, just take it slow. We should not make children wait until we are old to welcome them, but we must wait until we are adults.